Taco Bell Brings Out the Best Manners in People and Has Restored My Faith in Humanity

A friend had a housewarming/Derby party yesterday and the invite said that there would be drinks and snacks, but to bring anything we wanted to share.  Because I'm a lazy piece of shit that can't prepare any sort of food that doesn't come out of a can and involve a microwave, naturally I figured I'd swing by Taco Bell on the way over.

After rolling in with 3 bags of Tacos and a shitload of hot sauce (the drive thru guy really went above and beyond there - someone needs to give that guy a raise), I was greeted with the obligatory "Ooohs" and "Aaaahs" that Taco Bell organically elicits from people.  As I set down the bags and I made what I thought was a pretty clear announcement that the Tacos were up for grabs.  I hadn't had lunch yet, so naturally I started going to town on a soft taco.

Then a peculiar thing happened: Someone asked if they could have a taco.  Then another person did.  And still another.  I thought I made it abundantly clear these were for sharing, but these people must've thought that it was some kind of trap, or there had to be a catch like they had to give me a kidney for a Doritos Locos Taco (which by the way, I would be the one getting ripped off).

Listen, as much as I enjoy eating grade D rat meat tacos, there was no way I was going to eat 18 of them.  So of course I was like "yeah, go ahead!  Have at it!"  Then it occurred to me: People will be super polite for some Taco Bell.  It really brings people together.  If I brought Tostitos and salsa, no one would have asked before grabbing a handful.  If I brought some cookies, no one is asking if it's okay to have one, they just take it.  But Taco Bell...land of the $1.39 Taco makes people ask permission as if they're not worthy.  It's pretty fucking amazing.

Now of course, some obligatory food porn:

If you're impressed that I spent over $30 at Taco Bell, this ain't my first fuckin' rodeo:

Now that I think of it, Pepsi didn't completely fuck up with that Kendall Jenner ad.  Right idea, wrong product.  If Kendall hands that cop a taco, this commercial is instantly believable.