I ate lunch at McDonald's for the first time in years yesterday and am glad I didn't shit my guts out

Okay, to clarify the above statement, I have eaten McDonald's within the last year, but only because breakfast sandwiches are available all day now (shout out to the egg McMuffin) and it's usually in the airport when the line for Chick-Fil-A is too fucking long.  That said, I CANNOT remember the last time I actually went out of my way to go to a McDonald's for a meal.  Usually it's a road trip thing where you've been driving for hours then say "Fuck it, here's a McDonald's, let's stop here, I need to take a huge shit anyway."

I literally cannot remember the last time I ordered one of their burgers, whether it be a quarter pounder or a regular cheeseburger.  There's no reason to since places like Five Guys exist.  Shit, even Wendy's is way better than whatever they serve up at McDonald's.  I do remember the last time I had a Big Mac.  It was my senior year in high school and I won a free Big Mac on the Monopoly game.  Had four of them or so.  Redeemed one, concluded that the Big Mac's secret sauce tasted like horse jizz and have never ordered one again.  That's saying something when a 17-year-old's taste buds say "nope, not having this shit again."

Anyway, back to yesterday.  11AM this outlook reminder pops up and I know it's go-time:

Went to pick up $40 worth of McDonald's with some co-workers.  I decided to go with a classic:  The two cheeseburger meal.  This whole idea of going to McDonald's was because one of my co-workers had a funny graph that plotted his happiness as a function of time after eating McDonald's.  It got lost, and he deemed it wasn't ethical to simply draw it again.  We had to experience McDonald's to accurately plot it.  So that's why I ate some of the shittiest food on the planet:  In the name of science.

Anyway, here's my chart below of my McDonald's experience.

I think this is accurate.  The anticipation of riding shotgun to get McDonald's is pretty exciting and that excitement rises as you roll up to the drive thru window.  Then you've got to get the haul back to the office, where that first bite tastes like an orgasm covered in chocolate.  Pure ecstasy.  After you've had the last bite, you start to feel some emptiness as the food is all gone.  Then from there, in 5-minute intervals, you start to feel more regret than a sorority girl on spring break.


Was it worth it?  Probably.