McDonald's acting like they just discovered putting bacon on their burgers is why they fucking suck

OMG! Let's put bacon on our shitty Big Mac and it'll be awesome!  What a fucking novel idea.  Look at McDonald's shelling out on mid-tier comedians in their new ad campaign for bacon - the magical meat that every other fast food joint uses liberally and McDonald's is so late to the fucking game:

Gee, I don't know, Wendy's has had the Big Bacon Classic and Baconator on their menus forever and now the dickheads at McDonald's are like "Hey, we should put bacon on our burgers!"  I can only imagine what the discussion in the C-Suite at the house Ronald McDonald built was like.

Stay with me here.  When's the last time you intentionally went to McDonald's for a meal?  The answer is probably never.  It's the place you stop after driving on the highway for 6 hours and just need some fucking food.  It's a place you hit up in the airport because the line is the shortest.  It's the place you go at 2AM after a night of drinking because it's walking distance and you'd have to take an Uber to go toTaco Bell.

There are two reasons I'll go out of my way to a McDonald's:

That's it.  Also, shoutout to me for having bacon be a steady part of my diet.