A Peloton Bike seems like the worst fucking gift you can get your wife/girlfriend/current slam piece

Merry Christmas motherfuckers!  This Peloton commercial below is downright ridiculous.  Just watch:

A lot to unpack here in 30 seconds:

1) The man is a fucking toolbag.  Who sneaks off to a shed to ride a Peleton in secret?  More likely, that's his whack shack where he sneaks off to his 3 monitor PornHub setup.

2) The woman's reaction is total horseshit.  No way would a woman be so happy to get a $2000 exercise bike for Christmas.  Especially after that dickhead probably left his taint-sweat all over it without wiping it down.  Sure there may be SOME women hat are REALLY into cycling and REALLY want one, but buddy, you sure as fuck better let her explicitly tell you that.  Getting your girl a Peloton bike is the same as saying "honey, when we first met, I could bounce a quarter off of your ass, so let's get back to that."

I'm not buying this marketing campaign from Peloton at all.  Fuck those guys, and Merry Christmas to everyone else.  Don't buy a goddam Peloton for Christmas.

This Chick-Fil-A drive through proves that laziness > efficiency

Okay, so I rolled up to my neighborhood Chick-Fil-A (shocker I know) to grab some lunch and saw this line.  Holy shit.  This is why I never use the drive thru.  Look at this fucking line!  In fact there were another one or two cars pulling up when I took this photo at 1:15PM.  Seriously people, are you so fucking lazy you can't get off your ass to go inside and bring it back to your car?  You'd rather sit in this fucking line?

Here's a pro tip:  Park, order from the app from the parking lot, walk in, get your order.  I do that all the time and it takes 3-5 minutes max.  Then I'm on my happy way.  Look, I'm a dickhead who's currently in between jobs and have time to kill, but looking at that line gave me convulsions as I've still got shit to do (you know, like write this blog).

Oh, other benefit from using the Chick-Fil-A app?

Don't mean to brag, but this loosely translates to me being the fucking man.  Be nice and I may gift you some rewards, but probably not, I'll say "Fuck you, this Chick-Fil-A is mine."

One parting thought about this drive thru line:  Monday is usually the slowest for the restaurant industry since people tend to dine out on the weekend and then aren't so eager to do so on Monday.  However, when you deprive the good citizens of this country some of the finest God-fearing chicken on the planet for one day, just one fucking day, you get shit like that photo above.  People lined up well after the normal lunch hour like a bunch of meth heads looking for a fix.  Scarcity is a powerful tool when it comes to supply and demand (see: McRib).

I'm calling it now - 2019 is gonna be the year of Spencer

Gotta apologize to my 12 readers for taking so much time off of the blog game.  Had a bunch of things going on in my life, and while I'm not known for sharing a bunch I can tell you this:

• I found a new job.  Let me tell you, working full-time and conducting a job search is fucking exhausting.  That took up most of my time and energy.
• Some of you may know that I bought a condo.  Well, that new construction was repeatedly delayed to the point where I decided "Fuck this" and cancelled the contract.

Anyway, why is 2019 (and really the last month of 2018) going to the year of Spencer?  Well for one, my work commute is going from this:

(This can be anywhere from 30-45 minutes in rush hour traffic)

To this:

This will probably take me 6 minutes if i decide to hop on one leg.

But more importantly:

and

Can't wait.

My Small Business Empire is growing. Try and fucking stop me.

That's right.  You've heard of my company called: Just the Tip.  Now allow me to introduce Sweep the Leg Consulting, which....doesn't really do anything.  Well, unless you count allowing me to get the Chase Ink Business Cash card (Just the Tip didn't do enough revenue to warrant a 2nd card):

No Annual fee, get $500 cash back after spending $3000 in the first 3 months.  You can't fucking beat that.  Plus, since I'm a total Chase points whore, it'll be actually 50,000 points, which can be redeemed for $750 worth of travel when I transfer these points over to my Chase Sapphire reserve card.  For those who are too lazy to worry about credit card points, maybe my trip to Australia funded by points would sway you.  Maybe not.  Who gives a shit.

Anyway, to recap, here is how I amass chase points:

Chase Sapphire Reserve: 3X points on dining and travel. 1.5 point conversion redemption thru portal.
Annual fee: $450 - $300 travel credit = $150

Chase Freedom: 5X points on rotating categories such as gas, groceries, and whorehouses
Annual fee: $0

Chase Freedom Unlimited: 1.5X points on everything
Annual fee: $0

Chase Ink Cash: 5X points on cable, internet, phone, and Office supply stores, 2X points on gas
Annual fee: $0

I also have the Chase Ink Preferred, but I'll be cancelling that soon to avoid the annual fee of $95.  It has the biggest signup bonus for Chase cards though, at 80K, so well worth it.

If I've convinced you to get one of these cards, please click on the hyperlinks above for my referral links.  If you live in Denver, I'll buy you Chick-Fil-A for using my link.  That's the Just the Tip/Sweep the Leg Consulting difference.

If there's no link, it's because the facsists at Chase have shut down that refer-a-friend program.

Someone tried to hack my Wendy's account and I've never felt more violated

Serious question here:  WHO DOES THIS???  What kind of fucking savage has taken to hacking into fast food apps?  I've had my Uber account hacked, I've had my Netflix account hacked, I hope I never have my Brazzers account hacked.

I mean, imagine my incredulity of seeing this in my email:

I mean, I get it.  Wendy's social media is savage:

I'm actually disappointed that this total rocket is no longer their spokesperson:

Anyway, to the MOTHERFUCKER who tried to hack my Wendy's account:

I found my high school senior year report card, and it is AWESOME

Dug this bad boy up out of a yearbook or old photo album, and I must say, I'm still very pleased with my 17-year-old self.  Now, my high school only calculated GPA thru junior year, so there was no way I could fix my less-than-stellar 3.1868 (unweighted, NBD) GPA, but colleges still see your Fall grades when you apply, so I was still grinding.  My motivation was maybe a Herculean effort could help get me into Vassar College where I could make the Division III volleyball team and major in....something. 

***Spoiler Alert***: Vassar College is a well-regarded liberal arts college and my less than impressive transcript and shitty SAT II scores were not getting me in.

The funniest thing here is just how I stopped giving a shit in the 2nd semester (after I was told to fuck off by Vassar but accepted by two other schools).  For example, let's look at my Calculus grades:

A-, A-, B, B.  What's total horseshit here is how that somehow averaged out to a "B".  Wondering what that number next to the grade is?  Check it out:

As you can see, my B3 in the 4th quarter probably had something to do with my overall grade being a B.  But you know what? I got a "4" on AB calc which was good enough to place out of Calc I at a State School, so whatever.  I'm actually really disappointed in my four years of high school I never got an "8" for effort.  That phone call would have been epic.

Also just want to take this moment to point out what a health and fitness stud I was:

Sup ladies?

What's the point of all of this?  Maybe I'm shocked I've been able to live a decent life despite not being a straight A student.  Sure, high school grades determine where you can go to college.  Where you go to college plays a big part in determining what professional/grad school you get into or what your options are for your first job, but you know what else matters?  Not being a total fucking tool to people.

Man - this blog took a weird twist at the end.  I didn't see that coming.

This is how you execute a DM slide. Take notes fellas.

Naw man.  I ain't like Derek Rose above here.  Some of you may recall that time I was basically dating a former Broncos cheerleader.  Well, here's an update.  After that blog, she liked a few more of my instagram posts (like I said, things are getting serious), so naturally the next step was to slide into her DMs:

BOOM.  Also got this:

My work here is done.