I'm gonna scam Domino's out of a free pizza and this is the most excited I've been about anything in my life

So I was watching this commercial the other night when I thought, "Hey, that's cool, eat pizza from places other than Domino's and work your way towards a free Domino's pizza."  Neat little promo.  Then I remembered this scene from Silicon Valley:

This got me thinking if Domino's app could tell the difference between an actual pizza and a picture of a pizza.  So I tried scanning this picture with the app:

Here's the result:

Now, Domino's is smart enough to limit this to once a week, points expire 6 months from the first scan, and the promo is over in late April.  And you're limited to one free pie.  But hey, 5 weeks from now after scanning a bunch of images of pizza, I'll be getting a free one from Dominos.

Spencer 1
Dominos 0

I hated Tom Brady before hating Tom Brady was a thing

First of all, what a wild Sunday.  It's not often matchups like this live up to the hype, but both going into overtime was just bananas.  With the Patriots win of course, gleeful New England fans are pointing out that this is Tom Brady's 9th (!!!) Super Bowl appearance, and all the people sick of Tom Brady now get to voice their disdain.  I just want to point out that I was hating this motherfucker back in college (because I'm old).

[Begin scene] It's 1999 and a Penn State team that many thought could win the National Championship is coming off a devastating 2-point loss at home to Minnesota.  With the Big Ten title and a Rose Bowl berth still possible, a win against visiting Michigan was crucial.  At this point, Tom Brady was a relative unknown and was only pulling average ass for a Division I QB1.  Penn State led 27-17 late in the 4th quarter and I was feeling it.  Until this happened:

(TD scoring plays)

I'm pretty sure something like "MOTHERFUCKER" ran through my head.  Final score Michigan 31, Penn State 27.

Little did I know this was just the beginning of the Tom Brady torment.  As a Steelers fan there have been quite a few PIT-NE matchups in the Tom Brady era.  Let's check the results:

That graphic is a little hard to read, but fuck, that's a lot of "L"s in the result column, including 3 in the AFC championship game, two of which were at Pittsburgh.  Goddammit.  Anyone who calls this a rivalry thinks a hooker and her heavy-handed pimp have a competitive rivalry too.

But hey, I'm a (sometimes) rational human being and have to give credit where credit is due.  Bill Belichick knew what he had in Tom Brady.  In Brady's rookie year, Belichick kept FOUR quarterbacks.  That is insane when you think about that now.  Belichick was not going to release him and sign him to the practice squad and risk losing him on a waiver claim from another team.  He knew what he had in Brady before anyone else did.  He wasn't going to make the mistake a team like Atlanta did in trading Brett Favre to the Packers.  One of my favorite Tom Brady stories is that after his first SB win, Tara Reid had her agent contact Tom Brady's agent to set up a date.  Tom Brady turned her down.  He knew he could do better (and did).  For you younger Millennials out there who don't know who Tara Reid is, she's a washed up actress who's best known for playing a high school kid who got admitted to Cornell in the teen movie "American Pie."  In hindsight, the Cornell admission is probably the least believable thing about the movie.

All this hate for Tom Brady has a word for it: respect.  Think about it, he's been so good for so long that people are sick of him and hate him.  I don't hate Indiana's shitty football team and I don't hate the male porn star with a 5-inch penis.  There's no reason to hate either.

There was no reason to hate this guy:

But man, people hate this guy:

...and they REALLY hate this motherfucker:

So respect to Tom Brady, we're not all that different you and me.  Just a couple of Big Ten grads trying to make it in this world.  Really debatable who's winning at this point.

A Peloton Bike seems like the worst fucking gift you can get your wife/girlfriend/current slam piece

Merry Christmas motherfuckers!  This Peloton commercial below is downright ridiculous.  Just watch:

A lot to unpack here in 30 seconds:

1) The man is a fucking toolbag.  Who sneaks off to a shed to ride a Peleton in secret?  More likely, that's his whack shack where he sneaks off to his 3 monitor PornHub setup.

2) The woman's reaction is total horseshit.  No way would a woman be so happy to get a $2000 exercise bike for Christmas.  Especially after that dickhead probably left his taint-sweat all over it without wiping it down.  Sure there may be SOME women hat are REALLY into cycling and REALLY want one, but buddy, you sure as fuck better let her explicitly tell you that.  Getting your girl a Peloton bike is the same as saying "honey, when we first met, I could bounce a quarter off of your ass, so let's get back to that."

I'm not buying this marketing campaign from Peloton at all.  Fuck those guys, and Merry Christmas to everyone else.  Don't buy a goddam Peloton for Christmas.

This Chick-Fil-A drive through proves that laziness > efficiency

Okay, so I rolled up to my neighborhood Chick-Fil-A (shocker I know) to grab some lunch and saw this line.  Holy shit.  This is why I never use the drive thru.  Look at this fucking line!  In fact there were another one or two cars pulling up when I took this photo at 1:15PM.  Seriously people, are you so fucking lazy you can't get off your ass to go inside and bring it back to your car?  You'd rather sit in this fucking line?

Here's a pro tip:  Park, order from the app from the parking lot, walk in, get your order.  I do that all the time and it takes 3-5 minutes max.  Then I'm on my happy way.  Look, I'm a dickhead who's currently in between jobs and have time to kill, but looking at that line gave me convulsions as I've still got shit to do (you know, like write this blog).

Oh, other benefit from using the Chick-Fil-A app?

Don't mean to brag, but this loosely translates to me being the fucking man.  Be nice and I may gift you some rewards, but probably not, I'll say "Fuck you, this Chick-Fil-A is mine."

One parting thought about this drive thru line:  Monday is usually the slowest for the restaurant industry since people tend to dine out on the weekend and then aren't so eager to do so on Monday.  However, when you deprive the good citizens of this country some of the finest God-fearing chicken on the planet for one day, just one fucking day, you get shit like that photo above.  People lined up well after the normal lunch hour like a bunch of meth heads looking for a fix.  Scarcity is a powerful tool when it comes to supply and demand (see: McRib).

I'm calling it now - 2019 is gonna be the year of Spencer

Gotta apologize to my 12 readers for taking so much time off of the blog game.  Had a bunch of things going on in my life, and while I'm not known for sharing a bunch I can tell you this:

• I found a new job.  Let me tell you, working full-time and conducting a job search is fucking exhausting.  That took up most of my time and energy.
• Some of you may know that I bought a condo.  Well, that new construction was repeatedly delayed to the point where I decided "Fuck this" and cancelled the contract.

Anyway, why is 2019 (and really the last month of 2018) going to the year of Spencer?  Well for one, my work commute is going from this:

(This can be anywhere from 30-45 minutes in rush hour traffic)

To this:

This will probably take me 6 minutes if i decide to hop on one leg.

But more importantly:

and

Can't wait.

My Small Business Empire is growing. Try and fucking stop me.

That's right.  You've heard of my company called: Just the Tip.  Now allow me to introduce Sweep the Leg Consulting, which....doesn't really do anything.  Well, unless you count allowing me to get the Chase Ink Business Cash card (Just the Tip didn't do enough revenue to warrant a 2nd card):

No Annual fee, get $500 cash back after spending $3000 in the first 3 months.  You can't fucking beat that.  Plus, since I'm a total Chase points whore, it'll be actually 50,000 points, which can be redeemed for $750 worth of travel when I transfer these points over to my Chase Sapphire reserve card.  For those who are too lazy to worry about credit card points, maybe my trip to Australia funded by points would sway you.  Maybe not.  Who gives a shit.

Anyway, to recap, here is how I amass chase points:

Chase Sapphire Reserve: 3X points on dining and travel. 1.5 point conversion redemption thru portal.
Annual fee: $450 - $300 travel credit = $150

Chase Freedom: 5X points on rotating categories such as gas, groceries, and whorehouses
Annual fee: $0

Chase Freedom Unlimited: 1.5X points on everything
Annual fee: $0

Chase Ink Cash: 5X points on cable, internet, phone, and Office supply stores, 2X points on gas
Annual fee: $0

I also have the Chase Ink Preferred, but I'll be cancelling that soon to avoid the annual fee of $95.  It has the biggest signup bonus for Chase cards though, at 80K, so well worth it.

If I've convinced you to get one of these cards, please click on the hyperlinks above for my referral links.  If you live in Denver, I'll buy you Chick-Fil-A for using my link.  That's the Just the Tip/Sweep the Leg Consulting difference.

If there's no link, it's because the facsists at Chase have shut down that refer-a-friend program.

Someone tried to hack my Wendy's account and I've never felt more violated

Serious question here:  WHO DOES THIS???  What kind of fucking savage has taken to hacking into fast food apps?  I've had my Uber account hacked, I've had my Netflix account hacked, I hope I never have my Brazzers account hacked.

I mean, imagine my incredulity of seeing this in my email:

I mean, I get it.  Wendy's social media is savage:

I'm actually disappointed that this total rocket is no longer their spokesperson:

Anyway, to the MOTHERFUCKER who tried to hack my Wendy's account: