OK, let's talk about this dude here. There are two possible scenarios here:
1) He's gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).
2) He is slow-playing the shit out of being in the friend-zone and is prepared to wait this marriage out, possibly sabotage it so that this girl can realize what she's been looking for has been in front of her the whole time.
If I'm the guy that's marrying this girl, I need proof that this guy is gay. I'm talking HARD EVIDENCE (pun intended). Like I'm going to text this guy a dick pic and I need someone on the inside to video tape his reaction when he opens that text. Because you know if this guy isn't gay, he's going to be undermining the husband any chance he gets, he'll be that sympathetic ear for this girl every time her man does something to piss her off like leave the toilet seat up or forget to log out of his Brazzers account.
The joke is on this assclown though. He is so far into the friend-zone it makes my head spin. Let's say he's successful in blowing up the marriage after four years, but jokes on him. This chick will confide in him and ask him to help her pick out her best pictures for her Bumble profile so she can get back in the game. This girl has two 'X' Chromosomes and the internet. She's not going to be alone for long and she sure as shit doesn't need to settle for some dickweed who agrees to being the man of honor at a wedding.
...and there it is, the final nail in the coffin. Gettin' that "F" in PUA 5308. For those of you who have no idea what the hell I've been up to, you can catch up below:
Now that you're all caught up, it's not like my grades were THAT bad being on academic probation. I mean, look below, my track record looks like a Division I basketball player:
Shitty GPA, a few credits shy of graduation. That's the American dream. Except I'm NOT a Division I basketball player. I'm a working stiff that had 19+ months of the post 9/11 GI Bill left and no reason to go back to a legit school full time, so I set my goal of getting what's owed to me and by my estimation, I've exceeded my wildest dreams. This letter below let's me know how far I've come:
I had an incredible time going to school online, made no friends, and will cherish the memories that I'll barely remember after I finish writing this blog. *Sigh* Cue the music:
Look at this fucking guy. Look at this picture and you see how this asshole is flaunting his pyramid of SNES Classics:
I really hate how a few dickbags can get their hands on a low-supply item like the SNES classic, mark it up and try to flip it on eBay and then call themselves "entrepreneurs". Can I afford this? Yes, but will I? Fuck no. Fuck this guy, I'm not going to support his effort of gouging people who want to play video games from their youth before they had better things to do like getting laid. The worst part is, this asshole is building a box fort out of SNES Classics, and big box retailers are about as helpful as tits on a bull:
Thanks Target! Unavailable near me and unavailable to ship. Let's go back to our boy ROBERTJ56. He's got some fucking nerve to act like he's giving us a deal:
No, penis-breath, you're not giving us a 10% discount here. A buyer is NOT saving $20. A buyer is paying $100 more which is a 125% markup. Fuck you and your fucking eBay store. I hope you get herpes the next time you have sex. With a goat. This dude is the Floyd Mayweather of SNES Classics.
I'm not going to repeat myself here, but there are a lot of great credit card offers where you can rack up points for travel. A lot of people are concerned about how opening up too many credit card accounts will effect their credit score. My advice: stop being a fucking pussy.
Business cards are interesting because there are a lot of lucrative bonuses out there that people self-select out of because they don't think they're qualified. Truth is, all you need to do to get a business card is say you have a sole proprietorship, make up a funny business name, and boom, you've got a business card. What kind of business is "Just the Tip" involved in? I sell shit on eBay. That's good enough for Chase.
Other haters wonder what 80K points is worth. With Chase, if you redeem them through the travel portal, they're worth $1000 in travel. If you're not into that, you can get $800 cash back, which is a lot more than the $95 annual fee. Even people that suck at math can figure that out. If you want to go next level (like me), you have the Chase Sapphire Reserve card which means I can transfer the 80K to that card, and POOF! My points are worth $1200.
If you want some more official-looking shit, here's a post by the Points Guy regarding the Chase Ink Preferred.
The chart above says it all. Penn State's win probability kept going up like Amazon stock throughout the game then came crashing down like the 2008 financial crisis. I mean, when the game starts like this, you gotta feel pretty good:
But Ohio State did just enough in the first half to dig out of a 14-0 early deficit to go into the half 28-17 and receiving the 2nd half kick.
The key moment in the game happened when Penn State kicked a Field Goal to up by 11
Yeah it would have been nice to get a TD, but inside the 5, you're not putting that ball in the air when you can make it a two-score game. Time and again McSorely has scored a TD with his legs, he just couldn't get loose here. Even so, kicking a FG with 5:42 left up by 11? I like my chances.
What changed is the Ohio State offensive coaches decided to stop being fucking idiots and throw the ball downfield. All game that cute swing pass and screen pass shit was shut down by Penn State. Knowing they needed to score twice and score quickly forced them to get vertical. Penn State couldn't handle it, giving up a TD in a little over 1:20. They held tough on the 2-pt try, but the next offensive series did them in.
The first play was a zone read to Barkley that got blown up for a 7-yard loss. I don't have an issue with the play call, the blocking wasn't there and then you're staring at a 2nd & 17 inside your own 5. That's what dictated the next 2 plays. Up 5, you can't throw deep in your own territory, two more stuffed runs meant punting it back to Ohio State, and once again the secondary was carved up for the game-winning TD.
Like I proclaimed in the title, Ohio State has won the Big Ten East. They're not losing twice with a remaining schedule like this:
HOWEVA, if they lose once, they're fucked in terms of the CFP. Unfortunately Penn State won't be able to back its way in to the CFP like Ohio State last year, because the schedule is too soft. Pitt sucks ass and the only ranked opponent remaining on the schedule is Michigan State.
The Big takeaway is that the Big Ten East goes through Ohio State. Ever since the Big Ten wisened up and got rid of that "Leaders and Legends" bullshit, the team that won the East was either Ohio State (2014) or a team that beat Ohio State, (Michigan State - 2015, Penn State - 2016). In other words, you cannot lose to Ohio State and hope they lose two Big Ten games. Just not going to happen.
Oh well. I blame ESPN's Heather Dinich for jinxing us:
If -- IF -- PSU keeps this up for 4Q (still early!!!!) no doubt could be considered for No. 1 on Tuesday.
I'm disappointed in Michigan. I thought they were better than this. Something about a 5th-ranked defense and how Penn State had only played one top 30 defense in Iowa. Well, that's the thing with college football rankings: They don't mean dick. There's such a disparity in talent between the Power 5 and the Group of 5 and the FCS schools, when you've six weeks in and half your schedule is playing against dogshit non-conference teams, your yards against and other stats are going to be inflated. When all is said and done, I'm not quite sure what this win means for Penn State. Michigan is the first ranked opponent of the year, but after this ass-beating, I don't think they deserve to be ranked. They have to go on the road to Wisconsin and host Ohio State. Mark those up as two more Ls and well, Michigan just wasn't very good this year.
Probably the highlight of this game was the Michigan kicker missing an extra point:
Why was that so satisfying? Because this is the fuckstick that missed it:
In case you're wondering why he's wearing Penn State gear but kicking for Michigan, Harbaugh fucking slept over at his house and flipped him to Michigan. Ha - fuck that guy. This video will haunt him for the rest of his life. I hope he made the right decision by attending Michigan and that he lands his dream job at Domino's Pizza HQ in Ann Arbor.
Meanwhile, Saquon Barkley continued his assault on the Heisman Trophy campaign.
Now let's talk about next week. Penn State at Ohio State is going to determine the Big Ten champ. If Penn State wins, the only hurdle left is a resurgent Michigan State team, then its smooth sailing from there. If Ohio State wins, the same Spartans are the toughest test left for them (sorry Michigan). Why is this game so crucial? Neither team has a loss in the Big Ten. The loser of this game would need the winner to lose TWO times in the final weeks of the season just to win the division, and given the schedules, that's just not very likely. Wisconsin will likely be the undefeated Big Ten West champ, but like the 2015 Iowa squad that went 12-0, I think they're inferior to whoever emerges out of the East.
Despite Penn State's No.2 ranking (remember what I said about rankings meaning dick?), Ohio State will be favored, and rightfully so. Columbus is a tough place to play, and Penn State has not had a good history there. However, Ohio State much like Penn State is still a bit of a mystery. Their strongest opponent, Oklahoma, beat the shit out of them in Columbus, and the other games saw them roll over shitty Big Ten teams like Rutgers, Maryland, and Nebraska. How good is Ohio State?
Gonna be fun waiting all week for this one. Last year, Ohio State was No.2 visiting Penn State. We all know how that story ended.
That's some straight up food porn right there. Just went six to midnight. To set the background, there's this place called Gumby's Pizza. There are only nine locations, and they're all in college towns:
University of Florida
Florida State
Mizzou (has fucking two locations! WTF!)
Penn State
Texas A&M
Texas State
NC State
University of Iowa
Their pizza is actually fucking terrible, but the pokey stix are some kind of amazing garlic pizza that tastes downright orgasmic.
I was in Iowa City this past weekend for the Penn State vs. Iowa football game this weekend, so naturally I had to indulge in a blast from the past. Let me tell you, I couldn't handle this medium order like my 22-year-old self could. When I think of Pokey stix, I still laugh a little that a girl from State College suggested we order Pokey Stix one halloween, and she let all of us order a large like a bunch of fucking idiots. A little heads up that these things were like pizzas would have been nice. I had in mind that they were pretzel sticks or something, but lo and behold, that night I was introduced to the eighth wonder of the world.
Was I really in Iowa City for a football game, or did I just make the trip to eat a medium order of Pokey Stix? You'll never know.
Anyway, let's talk about the game for a second. Kinnick is a nice stadium:
They also have this cool new tradition where after the first quarter everyone turns and waves to the kids in the new wing of the children's hospital. This just started this year, and this being the first night game everybody turned on their cellphone flash light and waved to the kids. Very cool moment.
Now to actual football. That game made me shit a brick. I knew it was going to be a tough game as night games at Kinnick are where perfect seasons go to die. I still remember Penn State losing there in 2008 24-23 and it was just last year No. 2 Michigan got clipped 14-13. I will take a gritty road win despite being 12.5 point favorites. If there's one thing I noticed, is that Penn State needs to keep the pedal to the medal on offense if they want to repeat as Big Ten champs. The defense is adequate, but can crack at times as was evident in the 2nd half when Iowa scored on a long catch-and-run and a long rushing play. In fact, let's take a look at that running play (fast forward to 2:28, I'm not smart of enough to get it to embed at that point):
Turned out to be a good thing that #28 took a really shitty angle in pursuit and Iowa scored that TD. With the score 15-13 I was having flashbacks to 2008 where Iowa could grind clock and then kick a field goal and win by one.
But the reason this game was so tight is that Penn State had the ball on the goal line twice and had to settle for field goals. This isn't a drive stalling on the 15 and kicking it, I'm talking about right on the fucking doorstep and you get denied with arguably the best running back in college football. What is interesting here is that Penn State now takes 100% of the snaps in the shotgun. It's working, but I would think you would want a power football package in there for short yardage situations. Obviously you're not going under center if you've never practiced it, but what I'm saying is, when you need one fucking yard, why not put a tight end in the back field in front of Barkley and play some smash mouth football. For you nerds wondering why I said tight end in the backfield, it's because Penn State doesn't use the fullback in the offense, so I doubt there's one on the roster.
Anyway, Penn State will need to finish off drives with TDs when they get so close on the road so they can get the crowd to shut the fuck up. It was LOUD in Kinnick - I was having a tough time concentrating watching the game, so it must've been crazy for McSorely to run the offense in those conditions.
Escape Iowa City with a win, ate some fucking Pokey sticks, saw the Iowa Dance team on the field. Win-win-win of a weekend.
