My plan to fail out of an online for-profit university is coming along nicely

For those of you unfamiliar with my saga in online education, please read previous posts found here and here.

Receiving this email made me chuckle a little bit.  Why?  Oh, because this online school is counting its chickens before they hatch.  Shortly after receiving this motivational email, this happened:

Which of course, led to this:

Three months of GI Bill benefits left, people.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

SPORTSBALL TALK: How the fuck is Terrell Davis in the Hall of Fame?

I know living in Denver this is a controversial take, but I like to be objective about things.  Yes the Broncos are popular here as the home team, but ever since he was inducted last year, I can't help but have recurring "What the fuck?" thoughts as football season nears.  Yes, Terrell Davis was an elite running back, and yes he had a 2,000 yard rushing season, but to me, he did not have a Hall of Fame CAREER.  Career being the key point (as if you couldn't tell by the caps lock).  What got me thinking about this was a Barstool Sports Blog written about how Corey Dillon was making a case for the hall.

That blogger thinks Davis belongs in the Hall, but looking at his career stats, I just don't get why he got the call:

His heyday was from 1995 - 1998.  Then injuries prevented him from playing in more than 8 games from 1999-2001.  Yes he was great for those four years, but is four years really enough for a running back to qualify for the Hall?  I know there's no set criteria and running backs tend to have a shorter shelf life, but for comparison's sake, let's look at Corey Dillon's stats:

As you can see, Corey Dillon was relevant for a longer period of time.  What helps Davis' case is that he played on the Broncos and won 2 Super Bowls.  Corey Dillon was banished to the fucking Cincinnati Bengals where he was able to churn out yards despite the team sucking ass.  Then he goes to the Pats and wins a super bowl and establishes a career high in rushing yards (1,635).  That's pretty impressive when you consider he did that in his 8th year in the league...which also happens to be right around the time he turned 30, the magical age where running backs fall off a cliff, and Dillon wasn't immune to that.  By comparison, Davis hit 2,000 yards in his 4th year, then was never heard from again.

Another comparison of a guy who had a similar flash of brilliance is Priest Holmes.  Here are his stats:

Dude was a fantasy stud from 2001 - 2003.  Not only did he rush for over 1,400 yards each of those years, he was also a terror receiving out of the backfield:

He had three straight years with over 2,000 yards from scrimmage, compared to two by Davis (here are his receiving numbers):

Do I think Holmes belongs in the Hall of Fame?  Fuck no.  For the same reason I don't think Davis belongs there.  Of these three backs, Corey Dillon is the most deserving, but he probably doesn't get there because he was a surly guy from all those years of being in Cincinnati, meanwhile, Davis smiles a lot, is cool with the media, and dropped a shit ton of money at strips clubs in Atlanta.

Look, I'm not a Davis hater, I just think the Hall of Fame is reserved for the greatest to ever play the game, and objectively, I don't see how you can classify Davis as one of the greatest when his greatness lasted only about half of other hall of fame running backs.

I'll just leave you with the career stats of a recent Hall of Fame running back that makes all three of these guys look like total pussies.

I ate lunch at McDonald's for the first time in years yesterday and am glad I didn't shit my guts out

Okay, to clarify the above statement, I have eaten McDonald's within the last year, but only because breakfast sandwiches are available all day now (shout out to the egg McMuffin) and it's usually in the airport when the line for Chick-Fil-A is too fucking long.  That said, I CANNOT remember the last time I actually went out of my way to go to a McDonald's for a meal.  Usually it's a road trip thing where you've been driving for hours then say "Fuck it, here's a McDonald's, let's stop here, I need to take a huge shit anyway."

I literally cannot remember the last time I ordered one of their burgers, whether it be a quarter pounder or a regular cheeseburger.  There's no reason to since places like Five Guys exist.  Shit, even Wendy's is way better than whatever they serve up at McDonald's.  I do remember the last time I had a Big Mac.  It was my senior year in high school and I won a free Big Mac on the Monopoly game.  Had four of them or so.  Redeemed one, concluded that the Big Mac's secret sauce tasted like horse jizz and have never ordered one again.  That's saying something when a 17-year-old's taste buds say "nope, not having this shit again."

Anyway, back to yesterday.  11AM this outlook reminder pops up and I know it's go-time:

Went to pick up $40 worth of McDonald's with some co-workers.  I decided to go with a classic:  The two cheeseburger meal.  This whole idea of going to McDonald's was because one of my co-workers had a funny graph that plotted his happiness as a function of time after eating McDonald's.  It got lost, and he deemed it wasn't ethical to simply draw it again.  We had to experience McDonald's to accurately plot it.  So that's why I ate some of the shittiest food on the planet:  In the name of science.

Anyway, here's my chart below of my McDonald's experience.

I think this is accurate.  The anticipation of riding shotgun to get McDonald's is pretty exciting and that excitement rises as you roll up to the drive thru window.  Then you've got to get the haul back to the office, where that first bite tastes like an orgasm covered in chocolate.  Pure ecstasy.  After you've had the last bite, you start to feel some emptiness as the food is all gone.  Then from there, in 5-minute intervals, you start to feel more regret than a sorority girl on spring break.


Was it worth it?  Probably.

Product Review: Athlete Recovery Sleepwear by Under Armour (and Tom Brady)

In case you're not aware, I've become borderline obsessed with sleep.  So when Under Amour came out with this, it got my attention a little bit.  Yeah, full-disclosure, I'm a total brand whore for Under Armour.  In fact, it's proven that wearing Under Amour makes me a better athlete.  Don't believe me?  See for yourself:

Here's how Under Armour describes it:

Maybe it's all bullshit, placebo effect, whatever you want to call it, and maybe I'm a fucking moron for spending nearly $200 on pajamas, but I dunno, I've been sleeping pretty good the last couple of weeks since wearing this shit.  I guess it's all about how important sleep is to you, to me, it's paramount.  I don't enjoy feeling like dogshit during the day because I didn't sleep well the night before.  That said, the one flaw in this product is that despite wearing the same pajamas as Tom Brady, I'm still not banging a Brazilian Victoria's Secret model.  I was led to believe that was a possibility, which is why I can't give this my full, un-biased endorsement.