SOURCES: Pizza tastes better when it's free

Last month I blogged about how I was gonna get a free pizza from Domino's.  Today is my victory lap as I get to enjoy the fruits of my Labor from taking 6 photos of pizza and earning pizza points.  Now, if the picture above looks a little funny like the toppings are just laid at the top, well, it's because I'm a dumbass and I fucked up ordering my pizza.  Looks like my toppings didn't take and a cheese pizza came out.  Shout out to Domino's though for giving me the raw topping to put on top and nuke.

Also, if you don't like pineapple on your pizza, you're welcome to fuck off any time.

McDonald's acting like they just discovered putting bacon on their burgers is why they fucking suck

OMG! Let's put bacon on our shitty Big Mac and it'll be awesome!  What a fucking novel idea.  Look at McDonald's shelling out on mid-tier comedians in their new ad campaign for bacon - the magical meat that every other fast food joint uses liberally and McDonald's is so late to the fucking game:

Gee, I don't know, Wendy's has had the Big Bacon Classic and Baconator on their menus forever and now the dickheads at McDonald's are like "Hey, we should put bacon on our burgers!"  I can only imagine what the discussion in the C-Suite at the house Ronald McDonald built was like.

Stay with me here.  When's the last time you intentionally went to McDonald's for a meal?  The answer is probably never.  It's the place you stop after driving on the highway for 6 hours and just need some fucking food.  It's a place you hit up in the airport because the line is the shortest.  It's the place you go at 2AM after a night of drinking because it's walking distance and you'd have to take an Uber to go toTaco Bell.

There are two reasons I'll go out of my way to a McDonald's:

That's it.  Also, shoutout to me for having bacon be a steady part of my diet.

I'm gonna scam Domino's out of a free pizza and this is the most excited I've been about anything in my life

So I was watching this commercial the other night when I thought, "Hey, that's cool, eat pizza from places other than Domino's and work your way towards a free Domino's pizza."  Neat little promo.  Then I remembered this scene from Silicon Valley:

This got me thinking if Domino's app could tell the difference between an actual pizza and a picture of a pizza.  So I tried scanning this picture with the app:

Here's the result:

Now, Domino's is smart enough to limit this to once a week, points expire 6 months from the first scan, and the promo is over in late April.  And you're limited to one free pie.  But hey, 5 weeks from now after scanning a bunch of images of pizza, I'll be getting a free one from Dominos.

Spencer 1
Dominos 0

I hated Tom Brady before hating Tom Brady was a thing

First of all, what a wild Sunday.  It's not often matchups like this live up to the hype, but both going into overtime was just bananas.  With the Patriots win of course, gleeful New England fans are pointing out that this is Tom Brady's 9th (!!!) Super Bowl appearance, and all the people sick of Tom Brady now get to voice their disdain.  I just want to point out that I was hating this motherfucker back in college (because I'm old).

[Begin scene] It's 1999 and a Penn State team that many thought could win the National Championship is coming off a devastating 2-point loss at home to Minnesota.  With the Big Ten title and a Rose Bowl berth still possible, a win against visiting Michigan was crucial.  At this point, Tom Brady was a relative unknown and was only pulling average ass for a Division I QB1.  Penn State led 27-17 late in the 4th quarter and I was feeling it.  Until this happened:

(TD scoring plays)

I'm pretty sure something like "MOTHERFUCKER" ran through my head.  Final score Michigan 31, Penn State 27.

Little did I know this was just the beginning of the Tom Brady torment.  As a Steelers fan there have been quite a few PIT-NE matchups in the Tom Brady era.  Let's check the results:

That graphic is a little hard to read, but fuck, that's a lot of "L"s in the result column, including 3 in the AFC championship game, two of which were at Pittsburgh.  Goddammit.  Anyone who calls this a rivalry thinks a hooker and her heavy-handed pimp have a competitive rivalry too.

But hey, I'm a (sometimes) rational human being and have to give credit where credit is due.  Bill Belichick knew what he had in Tom Brady.  In Brady's rookie year, Belichick kept FOUR quarterbacks.  That is insane when you think about that now.  Belichick was not going to release him and sign him to the practice squad and risk losing him on a waiver claim from another team.  He knew what he had in Brady before anyone else did.  He wasn't going to make the mistake a team like Atlanta did in trading Brett Favre to the Packers.  One of my favorite Tom Brady stories is that after his first SB win, Tara Reid had her agent contact Tom Brady's agent to set up a date.  Tom Brady turned her down.  He knew he could do better (and did).  For you younger Millennials out there who don't know who Tara Reid is, she's a washed up actress who's best known for playing a high school kid who got admitted to Cornell in the teen movie "American Pie."  In hindsight, the Cornell admission is probably the least believable thing about the movie.

All this hate for Tom Brady has a word for it: respect.  Think about it, he's been so good for so long that people are sick of him and hate him.  I don't hate Indiana's shitty football team and I don't hate the male porn star with a 5-inch penis.  There's no reason to hate either.

There was no reason to hate this guy:

But man, people hate this guy:

...and they REALLY hate this motherfucker:

So respect to Tom Brady, we're not all that different you and me.  Just a couple of Big Ten grads trying to make it in this world.  Really debatable who's winning at this point.

A Peloton Bike seems like the worst fucking gift you can get your wife/girlfriend/current slam piece

Merry Christmas motherfuckers!  This Peloton commercial below is downright ridiculous.  Just watch:

A lot to unpack here in 30 seconds:

1) The man is a fucking toolbag.  Who sneaks off to a shed to ride a Peleton in secret?  More likely, that's his whack shack where he sneaks off to his 3 monitor PornHub setup.

2) The woman's reaction is total horseshit.  No way would a woman be so happy to get a $2000 exercise bike for Christmas.  Especially after that dickhead probably left his taint-sweat all over it without wiping it down.  Sure there may be SOME women hat are REALLY into cycling and REALLY want one, but buddy, you sure as fuck better let her explicitly tell you that.  Getting your girl a Peloton bike is the same as saying "honey, when we first met, I could bounce a quarter off of your ass, so let's get back to that."

I'm not buying this marketing campaign from Peloton at all.  Fuck those guys, and Merry Christmas to everyone else.  Don't buy a goddam Peloton for Christmas.

This Chick-Fil-A drive through proves that laziness > efficiency

Okay, so I rolled up to my neighborhood Chick-Fil-A (shocker I know) to grab some lunch and saw this line.  Holy shit.  This is why I never use the drive thru.  Look at this fucking line!  In fact there were another one or two cars pulling up when I took this photo at 1:15PM.  Seriously people, are you so fucking lazy you can't get off your ass to go inside and bring it back to your car?  You'd rather sit in this fucking line?

Here's a pro tip:  Park, order from the app from the parking lot, walk in, get your order.  I do that all the time and it takes 3-5 minutes max.  Then I'm on my happy way.  Look, I'm a dickhead who's currently in between jobs and have time to kill, but looking at that line gave me convulsions as I've still got shit to do (you know, like write this blog).

Oh, other benefit from using the Chick-Fil-A app?

Don't mean to brag, but this loosely translates to me being the fucking man.  Be nice and I may gift you some rewards, but probably not, I'll say "Fuck you, this Chick-Fil-A is mine."

One parting thought about this drive thru line:  Monday is usually the slowest for the restaurant industry since people tend to dine out on the weekend and then aren't so eager to do so on Monday.  However, when you deprive the good citizens of this country some of the finest God-fearing chicken on the planet for one day, just one fucking day, you get shit like that photo above.  People lined up well after the normal lunch hour like a bunch of meth heads looking for a fix.  Scarcity is a powerful tool when it comes to supply and demand (see: McRib).

I'm calling it now - 2019 is gonna be the year of Spencer

Gotta apologize to my 12 readers for taking so much time off of the blog game.  Had a bunch of things going on in my life, and while I'm not known for sharing a bunch I can tell you this:

• I found a new job.  Let me tell you, working full-time and conducting a job search is fucking exhausting.  That took up most of my time and energy.
• Some of you may know that I bought a condo.  Well, that new construction was repeatedly delayed to the point where I decided "Fuck this" and cancelled the contract.

Anyway, why is 2019 (and really the last month of 2018) going to the year of Spencer?  Well for one, my work commute is going from this:

(This can be anywhere from 30-45 minutes in rush hour traffic)

To this:

This will probably take me 6 minutes if i decide to hop on one leg.

But more importantly:

and

Can't wait.