MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

 

Hell, yeah!  We fucking did it!  Full companion pass means me and the wife have until the end of 2024 to get BOGO on flights to exotic destinations like BWI and Chicago-Midway!  Dreams really do come true.  

In case you want to follow along on this electric journey:

Part I

Part II

Part III

The main takeaway here is that the companion pass is probably the best status item to obtain from any airline.  Yeah, Southwest's open seating policy kinda sucks and I hear people bitching when they're boarding the plane, but that just makes me want to ask "Did you not know about this?  If it sucks so bad go fly Frontier or Spirit, then you'll think Southwest is kinda good."  Obviously the limiting factor is that you need a companion to get the full value out of it, but if you're able, you'll have 100K+ SW points to redeem for free flights for two.  If you're not sure about if getting a business credit card is for you, I suggest you stop being a pussy and just do it already.

Phase II is underway

 

In Part Two of this current saga, I obtained the promotional companion pass that runs out Feb 29, 2024.  In Part One I laid out my plan to ladder the two companion passes so that I would have it until the end of 2024.

I just got this bad boy:

Shit just got real.  80K signup bonus on $5K of spend puts me very close to the 135K points required.

I got the promotional Southwest Companion Pass

 

That's the Blog.

Part 1.

THE MOTHERFUCKING BLOG IS BACK!

It's been a while since I've been bored enough to blog, but as you can see from the picture above, this is a great reason to.

Southwest is currently running a promo that they did last year:

 (I have embedded my referral link above because I'm a points whore)

For those who aren't familiar with what a companion pass is, you could Google it, or read on for my explanation.  It's basically BOGO plane tickets - you have to designate one companion for your account and I think you can change it once or twice a year, but the bottom line is that the companion pass really only makes sense if you're having consistent and dependable sex with someone who's also willing to deal with Southwest's bullshit open seating policy.

That said, normally it takes earning 135K SW points in a calendar year to get the CP (short for companion pass) and it's good for the rest of the year you earn it, as well as the entire next year.  Obviously this promo isn't as good since it'll expire at the end of next February, but it's pretty solid.

The interesting thing about Southwest is that it's the only airline that allows you to earn (significant) points towards status from its co-branded credit cards.  For instance, the 30K sign-up bonus above would count towards CP status.  By comparison, if you got 60K free miles from signing up for the United card, you get 60K miles to spend but it doesn't count towards shit in terms of status.

135K points is a lot to get in a year, even with credit card spend...or is it?

The fact that this is a business card scares people off, but for my five loyal readers, they'll know I like to dabble in the biz card game.  Now, using both of the sign up bonuses to earn 110K points (+ the 8K from spend required to get said bonuses) puts you awfully close to 135K points.  The problem is that to get the most out of this in the past you had to time it so you had both cards open late in the year so that you could complete both sign-up bonuses early in the next year.  If you fucked it up you could earn points in the wrong year and the CP would be hard to get, or you get it too late the following year and it eats away at the time you could have been using the CP.

What's different about this year, is that you can get the CP early with the personal card, then later in the year do biz card - you'll be enjoying the CP during 2023 while working towards extending the CP until the end of 2024.  Worst case is you don't get there and at least got the CP promo.

This is the personal challenge I've put on my self - I just got the personal card in the mail and I plan on going hard in the paint in order to get the full CP.

Join me on this journey (or don't, whatever).  If nothing else I can update milestones and/or failures here!  (But if you want to try this too, seriously, apply through my referral link above)

Chick-Fil-A has a new test to find out if you're certified psychopath

Consider this a PSA:  YOU CAN GET A FREE ORDER OF NUGGS at Chick-Fil-A until Jan 31 thru the Chick-Fil-A app.  If you do not have the Chick-Fil-A app, you strike me as the type of person who enjoys waiting in lines and wiping your ass with 1-ply toilet paper.

Anyway, here's the interesting thing:  You can get free nuggs OR a kale crunch side.  What.  The.  Fuck.  If you redeem this reward for a kale crunch side, get fucked.  I don't want to know you.  You're a fucking psychopath.  Could you imagine the following interaction:

Chick-Fil-A cashier: Welcome to Chick-Fil-A, may I take your order?

Psychopath Customer:  Yes, I'd like to redeem this reward for a kale crunch side.

CFA cashier: Great.  Anything else?

Psychopath Customer: No, that's it.

CFA cashier: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND DON'T COME BACK.  But have a nice day while you're at it.

I would love to see the data on how many people redeem this reward for Kale.  Would also love to see a heat map of what state people do it in so I know to never take a vacation there.  The only way I would possibly find it acceptable to redeem the kale crunch side is if you order two spicy chicken sandwiches and throw away the bun on one of them to make a double decker.  That's the only way.

...and in case you're wondering, I redeemed this reward for nuggs like two weeks ago.

I'm taking a euro trip later this month with the plane ticket funded by Chase Points

Okay - been a while since I've thrown up a shitty blog no one is going to read, but I figured I'd brag about the next trip I'm taking with a flight to Europe covered by points.  I've written about this before like my trip to Australia as well as my applying for and being approved for business cards (Ink Preferred, Ink Cash, Ink Unlimited).

What gets me is when people say this shit is "too complicated" and I'll just stick to using one credit card I've had for years because it's "easy."  Well, that's what credit card companies want you to do.  They're banking on your laziness to get a return on their acquisition cost (if you signed up for a card that offers a bonus).  You'll earn a minuscule cash back or point return on all your purchases instead of taking advantage of huge lightning strikes in the form of new sign up bonuses.

Well, look, does this seem like it's worth it?

113K and change points may sound like a lot, but between the 3 business cards I've gotten over the last 18 months or so, those bonuses alone add up to 180K points (80K for the ink preferred, 50K apiece for the ink cash and ink unlimited).  I get it, if you're planning a trip in two months, you sure as shit aren't going to be able to hit a credit card bonus and book a ticket in that time.  But if you constantly amass points, when you get a text from a friend that says "Hey, do you want to go to Barcelona?"  This can be your answer:

But hey, I get it.  You don't like free shit.  You'd rather get 1% cash back from Discover like it's 2004.  Or you prefer "double miles" from Capital One.  Whatever does it for you I guess.

Back in Business: Another Credit Card Blog

All right people, just got the Chase Ink Unlimited business card.  For those of you who are familiar with my blog, you know about my side hustles Just the Tip and Sweep the Leg Consulting.  And by "side hustle" I mean funny names I used to make myself eligible to get business cards and earn sweet bonuses with the Chase ink line of cards.

After cashing in on the 80K points from the Chase Ink Preferred, I cancelled that card because I didn't want to pay the $95 annual fee.  That's the card that was under "Just the Tip."  I'm a big fan of that name for a fake small business so I decided to try to revive it with the Chase Ink Unlimited.  As you can tell from the picture above, I was not successful in doing that.  I even went so as far to register the name with the state of CO to get approved.  That shit cost me $20:

Pretty fucking legit right?  Well, Chase wasn't buying it and they told me to fuck right off.  In fact, I don't think they officially sent me a denial letter.  So I gave up and just used my name as the business since a friend said it'd be easier to get approved.  I said I was an "Independent Artist/Writer" which is kind of true with this blog, but I don't make any money here, so yeah, I guess I'm full of shit again.

Anyway, on to the good stuff: I got this card for the 50,000 point bonus which I'll transfer to my Chase Sapphire Reserve to keep pooling points.

Here's the updated way I amass Chase points:

Chase Sapphire Reserve: 3X points on dining and travel. 1.5 point conversion redemption thru portal.
Annual fee: $450 - $300 travel credit = $150

Chase Freedom: 5X points on rotating categories such as gas, groceries, and whorehouses
Annual fee: $0

Chase Ink Unlimited: 1.5X points on everything
Annual fee: $0

Chase Ink Cash: 5X points on cable, internet, phone, and Office supply stores, 2X points on gas
Annual fee: $0

Some of my friends think this shit is way too complicated, but hey, after this 50K bonus I'll have over 200K points (which equates to $3000 when I book through the chase portal) and I haven't paid for a flight in 18 months, so maybe I nerd out on this stuff a bit more than others, but if you're gonna pay bills and buy shit, you may as well get some free shit for it.

I have new found motivation to not become a fat piece of shit

The reason I like working out and eating sensible portions of fast food used to be health related.  My attitude is that you only get one body in this life, so it makes sense to take care of it.  It's not a car you can beat to shit then say "Ah, fuck it, it's a rental."

My motivation for not becoming a pile of garbage was realized when I volunteered this past Saturday with the Superhealers of Colorado at the Denver Pop Culture Con.  I dressed up as Spiderman and it was fucking awesome.  Kids wanting to take pictures with you because you bought a $50 costume off of Amazon is pretty cool.  Most kids are shy around strangers.  Not when they see Spiderman though.  They would just come up and hug me around the legs.  Wild stuff.

What's this motivation I speak of?  This thing is fucking skin tight.  If I were to put on this costume then eat a grape, you'd probably see my waistline expand.  I'm not fucking kidding.  I had a blast volunteering, so now I need to make sure I can squeeze my ass into this thing as long as possible.

Best questions I was asked at Pop Culture Con by kids?

Q: Are you the real Spiderman actor?

A: No.

Q: Can you do a backflip?

A: No.

Actually, I just thought of this, if I get out of shape, all is not lost.  I can always transform into divorced beer gut Peter Parker:

Boom.  Problem solved.  Time to have another slice of pizza.

Samsung making a phone that can charge other phones is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen

Samsung being the ever anti-Apple company has this commercial where their new phone can charge other phones:

Hold the fuck up.  I don't know anyone that would let someone drain their battery to charge someone else's phone, let alone a total stranger.  Fuck that noise.  How many times are you out and people are asking if someone has a portable charger, or if the bartender can plug in their phone behind the bar for a little bit.  Getting a phone charge is like fucking crack - people need it.  You can be damn sure no one is gonna give up their valuable battery while out and about.  I mean, how will I update my instagram story or put a fucking doggy filter on my face?

If you think I'm screwing around, I'm not - check out this picture of my friend John.  We were walking around Atlanta and we ducked into a hotel so he could charge his phone.

What a fucking savage move.  Look Samsung, good idea, but you overestimated the generosity of the human spirit.  LOL.  Fuck Samsung and their green texts.

SOURCES: Pizza tastes better when it's free

Last month I blogged about how I was gonna get a free pizza from Domino's.  Today is my victory lap as I get to enjoy the fruits of my Labor from taking 6 photos of pizza and earning pizza points.  Now, if the picture above looks a little funny like the toppings are just laid at the top, well, it's because I'm a dumbass and I fucked up ordering my pizza.  Looks like my toppings didn't take and a cheese pizza came out.  Shout out to Domino's though for giving me the raw topping to put on top and nuke.

Also, if you don't like pineapple on your pizza, you're welcome to fuck off any time.

McDonald's acting like they just discovered putting bacon on their burgers is why they fucking suck

OMG! Let's put bacon on our shitty Big Mac and it'll be awesome!  What a fucking novel idea.  Look at McDonald's shelling out on mid-tier comedians in their new ad campaign for bacon - the magical meat that every other fast food joint uses liberally and McDonald's is so late to the fucking game:

Gee, I don't know, Wendy's has had the Big Bacon Classic and Baconator on their menus forever and now the dickheads at McDonald's are like "Hey, we should put bacon on our burgers!"  I can only imagine what the discussion in the C-Suite at the house Ronald McDonald built was like.

Stay with me here.  When's the last time you intentionally went to McDonald's for a meal?  The answer is probably never.  It's the place you stop after driving on the highway for 6 hours and just need some fucking food.  It's a place you hit up in the airport because the line is the shortest.  It's the place you go at 2AM after a night of drinking because it's walking distance and you'd have to take an Uber to go toTaco Bell.

There are two reasons I'll go out of my way to a McDonald's:

That's it.  Also, shoutout to me for having bacon be a steady part of my diet.

I'm gonna scam Domino's out of a free pizza and this is the most excited I've been about anything in my life

So I was watching this commercial the other night when I thought, "Hey, that's cool, eat pizza from places other than Domino's and work your way towards a free Domino's pizza."  Neat little promo.  Then I remembered this scene from Silicon Valley:

This got me thinking if Domino's app could tell the difference between an actual pizza and a picture of a pizza.  So I tried scanning this picture with the app:

Here's the result:

Now, Domino's is smart enough to limit this to once a week, points expire 6 months from the first scan, and the promo is over in late April.  And you're limited to one free pie.  But hey, 5 weeks from now after scanning a bunch of images of pizza, I'll be getting a free one from Dominos.

Spencer 1
Dominos 0

I hated Tom Brady before hating Tom Brady was a thing

First of all, what a wild Sunday.  It's not often matchups like this live up to the hype, but both going into overtime was just bananas.  With the Patriots win of course, gleeful New England fans are pointing out that this is Tom Brady's 9th (!!!) Super Bowl appearance, and all the people sick of Tom Brady now get to voice their disdain.  I just want to point out that I was hating this motherfucker back in college (because I'm old).

[Begin scene] It's 1999 and a Penn State team that many thought could win the National Championship is coming off a devastating 2-point loss at home to Minnesota.  With the Big Ten title and a Rose Bowl berth still possible, a win against visiting Michigan was crucial.  At this point, Tom Brady was a relative unknown and was only pulling average ass for a Division I QB1.  Penn State led 27-17 late in the 4th quarter and I was feeling it.  Until this happened:

(TD scoring plays)

I'm pretty sure something like "MOTHERFUCKER" ran through my head.  Final score Michigan 31, Penn State 27.

Little did I know this was just the beginning of the Tom Brady torment.  As a Steelers fan there have been quite a few PIT-NE matchups in the Tom Brady era.  Let's check the results:

That graphic is a little hard to read, but fuck, that's a lot of "L"s in the result column, including 3 in the AFC championship game, two of which were at Pittsburgh.  Goddammit.  Anyone who calls this a rivalry thinks a hooker and her heavy-handed pimp have a competitive rivalry too.

But hey, I'm a (sometimes) rational human being and have to give credit where credit is due.  Bill Belichick knew what he had in Tom Brady.  In Brady's rookie year, Belichick kept FOUR quarterbacks.  That is insane when you think about that now.  Belichick was not going to release him and sign him to the practice squad and risk losing him on a waiver claim from another team.  He knew what he had in Brady before anyone else did.  He wasn't going to make the mistake a team like Atlanta did in trading Brett Favre to the Packers.  One of my favorite Tom Brady stories is that after his first SB win, Tara Reid had her agent contact Tom Brady's agent to set up a date.  Tom Brady turned her down.  He knew he could do better (and did).  For you younger Millennials out there who don't know who Tara Reid is, she's a washed up actress who's best known for playing a high school kid who got admitted to Cornell in the teen movie "American Pie."  In hindsight, the Cornell admission is probably the least believable thing about the movie.

All this hate for Tom Brady has a word for it: respect.  Think about it, he's been so good for so long that people are sick of him and hate him.  I don't hate Indiana's shitty football team and I don't hate the male porn star with a 5-inch penis.  There's no reason to hate either.

There was no reason to hate this guy:

But man, people hate this guy:

...and they REALLY hate this motherfucker:

So respect to Tom Brady, we're not all that different you and me.  Just a couple of Big Ten grads trying to make it in this world.  Really debatable who's winning at this point.

A Peloton Bike seems like the worst fucking gift you can get your wife/girlfriend/current slam piece

Merry Christmas motherfuckers!  This Peloton commercial below is downright ridiculous.  Just watch:

A lot to unpack here in 30 seconds:

1) The man is a fucking toolbag.  Who sneaks off to a shed to ride a Peleton in secret?  More likely, that's his whack shack where he sneaks off to his 3 monitor PornHub setup.

2) The woman's reaction is total horseshit.  No way would a woman be so happy to get a $2000 exercise bike for Christmas.  Especially after that dickhead probably left his taint-sweat all over it without wiping it down.  Sure there may be SOME women hat are REALLY into cycling and REALLY want one, but buddy, you sure as fuck better let her explicitly tell you that.  Getting your girl a Peloton bike is the same as saying "honey, when we first met, I could bounce a quarter off of your ass, so let's get back to that."

I'm not buying this marketing campaign from Peloton at all.  Fuck those guys, and Merry Christmas to everyone else.  Don't buy a goddam Peloton for Christmas.

This Chick-Fil-A drive through proves that laziness > efficiency

Okay, so I rolled up to my neighborhood Chick-Fil-A (shocker I know) to grab some lunch and saw this line.  Holy shit.  This is why I never use the drive thru.  Look at this fucking line!  In fact there were another one or two cars pulling up when I took this photo at 1:15PM.  Seriously people, are you so fucking lazy you can't get off your ass to go inside and bring it back to your car?  You'd rather sit in this fucking line?

Here's a pro tip:  Park, order from the app from the parking lot, walk in, get your order.  I do that all the time and it takes 3-5 minutes max.  Then I'm on my happy way.  Look, I'm a dickhead who's currently in between jobs and have time to kill, but looking at that line gave me convulsions as I've still got shit to do (you know, like write this blog).

Oh, other benefit from using the Chick-Fil-A app?

Don't mean to brag, but this loosely translates to me being the fucking man.  Be nice and I may gift you some rewards, but probably not, I'll say "Fuck you, this Chick-Fil-A is mine."

One parting thought about this drive thru line:  Monday is usually the slowest for the restaurant industry since people tend to dine out on the weekend and then aren't so eager to do so on Monday.  However, when you deprive the good citizens of this country some of the finest God-fearing chicken on the planet for one day, just one fucking day, you get shit like that photo above.  People lined up well after the normal lunch hour like a bunch of meth heads looking for a fix.  Scarcity is a powerful tool when it comes to supply and demand (see: McRib).

I'm calling it now - 2019 is gonna be the year of Spencer

Gotta apologize to my 12 readers for taking so much time off of the blog game.  Had a bunch of things going on in my life, and while I'm not known for sharing a bunch I can tell you this:

• I found a new job.  Let me tell you, working full-time and conducting a job search is fucking exhausting.  That took up most of my time and energy.
• Some of you may know that I bought a condo.  Well, that new construction was repeatedly delayed to the point where I decided "Fuck this" and cancelled the contract.

Anyway, why is 2019 (and really the last month of 2018) going to the year of Spencer?  Well for one, my work commute is going from this:

(This can be anywhere from 30-45 minutes in rush hour traffic)

To this:

This will probably take me 6 minutes if i decide to hop on one leg.

But more importantly:

and

Can't wait.

My Small Business Empire is growing. Try and fucking stop me.

That's right.  You've heard of my company called: Just the Tip.  Now allow me to introduce Sweep the Leg Consulting, which....doesn't really do anything.  Well, unless you count allowing me to get the Chase Ink Business Cash card (Just the Tip didn't do enough revenue to warrant a 2nd card):

No Annual fee, get $500 cash back after spending $3000 in the first 3 months.  You can't fucking beat that.  Plus, since I'm a total Chase points whore, it'll be actually 50,000 points, which can be redeemed for $750 worth of travel when I transfer these points over to my Chase Sapphire reserve card.  For those who are too lazy to worry about credit card points, maybe my trip to Australia funded by points would sway you.  Maybe not.  Who gives a shit.

Anyway, to recap, here is how I amass chase points:

Chase Sapphire Reserve: 3X points on dining and travel. 1.5 point conversion redemption thru portal.
Annual fee: $450 - $300 travel credit = $150

Chase Freedom: 5X points on rotating categories such as gas, groceries, and whorehouses
Annual fee: $0

Chase Freedom Unlimited: 1.5X points on everything
Annual fee: $0

Chase Ink Cash: 5X points on cable, internet, phone, and Office supply stores, 2X points on gas
Annual fee: $0

I also have the Chase Ink Preferred, but I'll be cancelling that soon to avoid the annual fee of $95.  It has the biggest signup bonus for Chase cards though, at 80K, so well worth it.

If I've convinced you to get one of these cards, please click on the hyperlinks above for my referral links.  If you live in Denver, I'll buy you Chick-Fil-A for using my link.  That's the Just the Tip/Sweep the Leg Consulting difference.

If there's no link, it's because the facsists at Chase have shut down that refer-a-friend program.

Someone tried to hack my Wendy's account and I've never felt more violated

Serious question here:  WHO DOES THIS???  What kind of fucking savage has taken to hacking into fast food apps?  I've had my Uber account hacked, I've had my Netflix account hacked, I hope I never have my Brazzers account hacked.

I mean, imagine my incredulity of seeing this in my email:

I mean, I get it.  Wendy's social media is savage:

I'm actually disappointed that this total rocket is no longer their spokesperson:

Anyway, to the MOTHERFUCKER who tried to hack my Wendy's account: