First things first, credit to this Reddit post for laying out the count for all the friends, but I'm most interested in Ross' Hall-of-Fame quality body count because it's the most unrealistic thing about the show "Friends". Even more unrealistic that a bunch of 20-somethings could live in such a nice fucking apartment in NYC.
With each girl I'm going to attach a 3-tier believe-ability scale:
1 - I'll buy it: Yeah, this could probably happen in real life for a divorced paleontologist with a kid.
2- You're pushing it: David Schwimmer may be able to pull this off because he was an actor on an iconic 90's sitcom
3 - Get the fuck out of here: Self-explanatory
All right, let's get to the line up:
Julie
Belive-ability: I'll buy it. Look, she's cute, but she's also nerdy and into science shit, so yeah, people with common interests like this hook up all the time.
Rachel
Belive-ability: Get the fuck out of here. There is no way this happens. Yes, Rachel peaked in high school and is the super hot girl who now works at a fucking coffee house. But there is no way a girl like this becomes un-shallow and decides to date a guy who had an unhealthy obsession with her in high school. No. Fucking. Way. She's not going for a guy who now puts "Dr." in front of his name for getting a PhD in paleontology. If Ross became the CEO of Snapchat? 1000% Rachel goes gold-digging, but the woman who was responsible for 2.8 Million adolescent nocturnal emissions in the mid-to-late 90's does not go for Ross as is.
Hot Girl with the belly ring who works at the copy shop
Belive-ability: Get the fuck out of here. Joey and Chandler were both trying to bag this girl. Joey would have closed this deal no problem. Somehow Ross is on a break and finds a narrow window to get laid by the hot girl from the copy shop? C'mon man.
Bonnie
Belive-ability (with hair): Get the fuck out of here Belive-ability (bald): You're pushing it
The name Bonnie just oozes sex. The name Ross does not. No way these two get together. Had they met when Bonnie had a shaved head, Ross has a fighting chance, but as we know, Ross dumped a smart professional woman he had a lot in common with (Julie) for a coffee house waitress he wanted to fuck since high school (Rachel). We all know his shallow ass isn't going for a bald woman.
Emily
Belive-ability: I'll buy it. Mainly because she's foreign, doesn't really know any better, and was forced to hang out with Ross for a while because she was in town and got pawned off on him. Plus, I'm pretty sure Liam Neeson's character from "Taken" was inspired by the picture above.
Janice
Belive-ability: I'll buy it. People tend to forget about this one, probably because they want to. Look, we've all made mistakes in our lives, and this is Ross'. Plus, he's now eskimo brothers with his college roommate, so he's got that going for him.
Elizabeth
Belive-ability: You're pushing it. But this could happen because 20 year-old girls do stupid shit like getting immortalized on a VHS tape of "Girls Gone Wild" while on spring break. Plus she might've been trying to get a better grade, etc. The fact that this is NYC helps since poor college dudes have to compete with guys who have jobs for girls like Elizabeth.
Mona
Belive-ability: Get the fuck out of here. Twice. I'm a little biased here, because I think Mona is the GOAT of lady characters from friends. The look on her face in this picture sums up my thoughts as to how the hell Ross pulled this stunt off. Mona is way out of his league. Period. She has to be seriously damaged to date a guy who at this point has been divorced 3 times and is a really shitty dad, because now that I think about it, we rarely see Ben on the show because Ross is too busy chasing tail.
Charlie
Belive-ability: Get the fuck out of here. What's the saying? You never go back? Well, Ross sure did. You might think that I'm being harsh here with my rating because you say that Charlie is in the same bucket as Julie, someone who works in the same field, is sciency and shit, but here's the difference: Julie was Ross' first girlfriend after his divorce. At this point, Ross has been plowing his way through New York and Charlie probably got an STD from him. I'm not buying this shit, it doesn't pass the eye test. A smart girl like Charlie isn't going for a dude like Ross who used to own a pet monkey and shouts "Pivot!" like a tool when moving furniture.
And of course we know how the show ended with Ross circling back to Rachel and ending up with her. Pretty lazy ending to a great series IMO. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the trip down Ross sexual history memory lane.
Just when I was resigned to a Super Bowl Sunday without Chick-Fil-A, the nuclear bomb was dropped in my inbox. GENIUS. They have the re-heatable tray offered all the time, but to send it out the week of the Super Bowl? A++++
Just take all my fucking money now! I will be gloriously eating Chicken Nuggs on Sunday - all is right in the world.
