Why the HELL do rental car companies give you both keys?

Look at that picture and tell me if it makes any fucking sense that they give you both keys on a wire when you rent a car.  It's nonsense.  There is zero benefit other than the fact that you now have to carry around both keys like a fucking idiot.

Lost your keys?  You're fucked because you lost the spare too.  Locked them in the car?  Yep, go fuck yourself and call a locksmith because you can see both of the keys from the car window.

You might ask yourself, who locks their keys in their car anymore since you lock it from outside with a remote?  Glad you ask, because that brings me to my next point: it should be illegal for a car company to rent you a shitty car without keyless entry.  We live in a society, we're not savages, this isn't Thunderdome.  Having to lock your car from inside the door and having to use the key to open the trunk is one step away from going back to the stone age.

Fuck you Dollar Rent-A-Car for renting me that piece of shit Toyota and not splurging for keyless entry.

Sounds Like Someone Has a Case of the Mondays...

It's not what you think.  Most people hate Monday's because it's back to the grind.  Back to working for a living so you can afford to be a stupid idiot on the weekend.  But you know why Monday's are okay with me?  It's the first day of the week I can get Chick-Fil-A.  Seriously, Sunday's are the longest 24 hours when you're craving that Chick-Fil-A so when Monday rolls around, I feel like a fucking kid on Christmas morning.  It's that damn good.

   This is what Heaven must look like
  I just jizzed in my pants
 probably the most underrated part of Chick-Fil-A
Way fucking better than those shitty packets you'd get at McDonald's or Burger King.

Oh yeah, the new Chick-Fil-A app is diabolical.  I work in marketing so I know what they're up to with that loyalty shit, yet just like Admiral Ackbar, I've fallen into the trap.  They've succeeded in making me think I'm accomplishing something when I eat Chick-Fil-A.  That accomplishment is that I'm closer to getting more Chick-Fil-A for free.  Fucking genius.

We are all Witnesses

I know there are a lot of people who hate on LeBron, hate the fact that he left Cleveland, and just hate him because they need someone to hate.  I'll admit, I was in the group that thought he was a villain for ditching out on Cleveland and joining forces with D-Wade and Bosh to form that super team in South Beach.  "The Decision" on ESPN was just short of a crime against humanity.  I enjoyed watching him lose in his first trip to the finals against the Mavericks.

But when he signed with Cleveland two years ago, how could you not be a fan?



Some people say he never should have left, but I disagree: He won two rings in Miami, probably wins zero if he stays in Cleveland those four years.  Also, sometimes the darkest moment before dawn is a blessing, as Cleveland's horrific seasons yielded Kyrie Erving in the lottery (I'll ignore the fact that they completely fucked up in drafting Anthony Bennett with the other No.1 overall pick).

What I admire the most about all this is that superstars usually go for the money, or to position themselves to win a championship.  LeBron did the latter when he bolted to Miami, and when he announced his return to Cleveland, he wasn't looking for his 3rd ring.  He was looking for Cleveland's 1st.  That's what his legacy would be.  Coming back to Cleveland for sentimental reasons is unprecedented in pro sports.  That's why I love this story.

I didn't know the AVP (Association of Volleyball Professionals) was still a thing

So here I am sitting in my air conditioned apartment on a lazy Sunday afternoon in my sweatpants awaiting the orgy of TV that will come later tonight (Game 7, GoT) and I see this in my Facebook Feed:

My First thought was, "These guys still have jobs?"  Don't get me wrong I played High School Volleyball in upstate New York which was about as masculine as male figure skating, and as such, I loved the AVP growing up in the 90's when Karch Kiraly and Kent Steffes were dominating the tour and you basically fell out of your chair anytime they didn't win a tournament, but last I heard, the AVP went bankrupt.  Naturally I do all my fact checking on Wikipedia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_of_Volleyball_Professionals

It looks like they don't spell it out clearly, but looking at the timeline there isn't much news between 2007 and 2012.  Based on my own personal experience, I know there was an AVP event in 2009 since I volunteered at an event in Phoenix:

Wikipedia says that the tour came back in in 2012, which I estimate to mean they were broke from 2010-2012.  Personally, I think financial troubles hit way before that.  I remember Karch and Kent dominating the tour and pulling down $400K a piece a year, but there were still 9 or 10 other guys making six figures - there was plenty of prize money to go around.  Then I remember seeing a blurb in 2000 how the top AVP money earner was David Swatik (a guy who was a setter at UCLA...only volleyball nerds like myself know this stuff) checking in at $91,000.  91 Grand is nothing to sneeze at, but that's a pretty big drop off.  At that declining rate, by my calculations, the top prize for winning a tournament in 2016 is an over-the-pants handy.

Anyway, this is the AVP I remember:

Karch Kiraly wearing that bad ass pink hat and giving zero fucks.  Being a fantastic blocker despite the fact that he's only 6'2", carrying that future Stanford MBA Kent Steffes on his back because while Karch won with other partners later in his career, Kent didn't win shit without Karch.  Either way, the KK tandem was responsible for taking food off the table of the other teams because they just won so damn much.

Now this is the current picture on the AVP website:

What the hell?  Other than the fact that one of the women is holding a volleyball, I wouldn't have guessed that I was looking at professional athletes.  These people look like bit characters on Law & Order: SVU.  Dude in the backwards baseball hat would be cast as a Heroin addict, guys on the ends would be extra uniformed cops who aren't important enough to get a line in the show, woman in the middle with the ball is the mom of a victim, and I guess the woman to the right of her could play her daughter.  The last remaining person to cast?  Oh what the hell, lets maker her the stripper/hooker who's trying to get her life back together.  That always spices up an episode of SVU and gives Benson someone to save.

Anyway - the whole point is the AVP is still alive and kicking, though I think it's behind the WNBA in popularity which isn't exactly something to brag about.