A former Denver Broncos cheerleader liked one of my instagram posts so we're basically dating now

NBD.  So who is Romi Bean?  Glad you asked:

#fbf cheers to 25 years of @denverbroncoscheer! Humbled and honored to be part of the legacy 💙 #cheersto25

A post shared by Romi Bean (@romibean) on Sep 29, 2017 at 11:03am PDT

#fridayfeeling 💙 #alumni #cheersto25

A post shared by Romi Bean (@romibean) on Aug 11, 2017 at 4:34pm PDT

Last time we played the Packers, Pat Bowlen was inducted into the @broncos Ring of Fame... hopefully on his way to the @profootballhof this time #MrBtoCanton #GBvsDEN #tbt

A post shared by Romi Bean (@romibean) on Aug 24, 2017 at 12:08pm PDT

Most importantly, she's the GOAT of cheerleaders for dancing in this T-Rex costume a couple of Halloween's ago:

Happy #trextuesday! Tiny arm high five to @j_howe_303 for one stellar dino mashup 🤘🐊 and look at those babes who danced with me! Luckiest dino ever! @kate_percy @katiemarttt @brielle_lee_o @natbernhardt @gabriela_maria_123 @sydneyhulse @saramae26 #everyonelovesadinosaur #brex #mashup #ishouldabeenamascot

A post shared by Romi Bean (@romibean) on May 9, 2017 at 10:07am PDT

Yeah, you could say things are getting pretty serious.

The Backstreet Boys dropped a new single and time has not been kind

All right people!  Backstreet's back (all right)!  Let's roll the tape!

What the fuck did I just watch?  Good God, I don't think they can legally use the word "boys" in their band name anymore without some sort of disclaimer.  Let's break down some then and now photos of the men who once made 14 year-old girls fantasize about marrying them (which is really gross and fucked up when you think about it).

NICK CARTER

Let's start with the pussy magnet of the group Nick Carter:

Lookin' good Nick!  Too bad that was 1999.  This is Nick now:

Dude is a 38-year-old with a wedding ring, a fuckin' faux-hawk, and a denim jacket.  Pretty tough to sell yourself as a sex symbol to prepubescent teens when you're rocking that combo.

KEVIN RICHARDSON

Ah, K-Rich.  The hottie with the dark features in the group.  K-Rich 1999:

K-Rich 2018:

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Back in '99 maybe 2.8% of the female population wouldn't have sex with K-Rich.  Now?  Probably 2.8% of the female population would feel comfortable letting him into their house to clean the fucking toilets.  Good God, man.  You're 43.  It's too early to have given up on life.  The dirty ass goatee, long hair and that stupid fucking hat.  That shirt?  I think I saw it in the women's section of Goodwill a few years back.

BRIAN LITRELL

Next up is Brian, who also happens to be K-Rich's cousin:

Brian ordering a No.1 meal at McDonald's in 1999.  Brian doing Backstreet Boy things in 2018:

You cannot tell me he doesn't look like a fucking serial killer.

Howie D.

Because he officially goes by "Howie D." I'm gonna assume that "D" is for "Dick-bag".  Serious question:  did any girls actually like Howie?  He always struck me as the guy who benefited by hot by association, so when Nick and Kevin were done running trains on groupies, Howie would show up to scoop up the leftovers that Nick and Kevin didn't have the time/stamina to get to.  Look at this guy, see what I mean?

Not great, right?  Well here he is now:

Well, actually not too bad.  Other than the fact he buttons hit top button like a psycho path, his face is just as punchable as it was in 1999.

Last but not least: AJ McLean

I always respected the fuck out of AJ trying to live up to that token bad boy that a boy band needs.  Like how he refuses to wear fucking sleeves in a music video:

Apparently the dude is still allergic to sleeves:

What in the fuck, AJ?  Are you even allowed within 500 feet of a middle school?  Way to stay true to your shitty ass hat game and add some neck tattoos. The tinted glasses are NOT a nice touch.  I'm sorry, this whole "bad boy" thing in the formula is bullshit.  It's a fabricated persona.  AJ does not drive a motorcycle without a helmet, he does not smoke cigarettes to look cool, and I'm 99% sure that he pulls out.  Sorry ladies - this 40 year-old "bad boy" is in bed by 9PM.  Nice fucking bandana BTW.

Well there you have it.  Can't do a BSB blog without leaving you with the GOAT of boy band songs:

P.S. I bet this fan still wishes it was 1999:

The Cobra Kai Series on YouTube Red is the best thing to hit the internet since porn

Seeing this tweet was one of the best fucking things in my life, and I'm not even kidding:

#KarateKid fans, guess what!? @RalphMacchio and @WilliamZabka are back, and the LaRusso/Lawrence rivalry so isn’t over. Watch the new #CobraKaiSeries teaser right here 👉https://t.co/vQDxVzJ87E pic.twitter.com/SKmaSt0DUf

— Cobra Kai (@CobraKaiSeries) February 15, 2018

Before I go any further, this blog needs a soundtrack.  Hit play below to enhance your experience while scrolling through the blog:

**NO MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS BECAUSE I'M NOT AN ASSHOLE**

First of all, yes this blog is going to be biased as shit because I would probably watch anything involving that bad ass Cobra Kai logo.  This is my phone case:

and I once went into work dressed like this:

But hey, I'm not the only one who thinks this series is the shit:

Serious question though: how did a gem like this end up on YouTube Red?  YouTube Red's value proposition is shit.  It's $9.99 a month so you can watch videos on YouTube ad free and you get access to YouTube originals.  Prior to Cobra Kai, I can't think of anything worth paying $9.99 a month to watch.  Thanks to a 30-day free trial, I didn't have to pay anything to watch this either.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic.  The premise of the Cobra Kai series is simple, it picks up 34 years after the 1984 All Valley Karate Championships where Daniel LaRusso hits Johnny Lawrence in the face with a crane kick for the win.  The flashbacks to the movie that are weaved into the series are pure gold.  Serious throwback stuff for us children of the 80's.  But yeah, no fucking Hilary Swank trying to be the next Karate kid.  No Jackie Chan and Will Smith's kid in that abortion of a re-boot (which I refused to watch on principle).  There aren't even any callbacks or references to the Karate Kid 2 because that movie was a horseshit money grab in an attempt to make the Karate Kid a franchise.

What makes Cobra Kai so good is that not only does the rivalry of Johnny and Daniel in their 50's entertain us, but the next layer of character interaction is fantastic: There's Miguel who is Johnny's star pupil, who goes to the same high school as Samantha LaRusso (Daniel's daughter if the last name didn't give it away) and Johnny's estranged son Robby, who's also the same age as Miguel and Samantha.  Watching the stories intertwine and unfold is what earns this a 100% on the tomato meter.  Because if the internet agrees on something, it has to be true.

(side note: Samantha LaRusso is a total cutie.  You might think I'm a pedophile for saying this, but I looked it up on Wikipedia and the actress that plays her is 22, so my thoughts while creepy, are at least not illegal.  You be the judge:)

It's a special day for a certain LaRusso. Happy Birthday @MaryMMouser. Who else is celebrating today?! #CobraKai pic.twitter.com/VQwlhJJoxY

— Cobra Kai (@CobraKaiSeries) May 9, 2018

Also - in case you think Johnny has lost a step.  You are wrong:

Because Sensei Lawrence always wakes up in "Beast Mode." #CobraKai #CKStrenthOMeter pic.twitter.com/V4Sph2tHVN

— Cobra Kai (@CobraKaiSeries) May 8, 2018

Perhaps the best part of all of this is that the series isn't so one-sided the way the original movie was with the 80's movie formula of the kid that gets bullied becoming the hero and the guy who bullied him was a complete asshole.  No, there's two sides to this coin, neither guy is perfect, both are flawed, just a couple of guys trying to get through life in the valley. 

This series also makes Barney Stinson's take on the Karate Kid more plausible:

But perhaps my favorite YouTube video about the Karate Kid which is sure to get more views now, is this:

TLDR - You need to watch this fucking show.  If you don't like it, tough shit.  Season 2 comes out in 2019 and I feel bad for you because you have nothing to look forward to.  Oh what?  GoT comes back in 2019?  Big Fucking deal.  I don't have a GoT phone case.

The Authoritative French Fry Power Rankings Are Here!

Okay folks, let's lay some ground rule here as ranking french fries is some serious shit.  These power rankings are types of fries.  Sometimes that could mean a certain restaurant's fries, sometimes it's in more general terms.  Also, sweet potato fries are not included in this ranking because they're not french fries.  If you disagree with me, you're welcome to shut the fuck up.  I will also not include any sort of "Loaded fries" or "Chili Cheese Fries" because those are simply regular fries with a bunch of shit dumped on them.  HOWEVA - I will include fries that have a sort of spice to them because that makes them different.  You still with me?  This list is not all-inclusive.  If I didn't mention a type of french fry that you like, it obviously wasn't important enough to include here.  Without further ado:

10. Crinkle Cut Fries

These are probably some of the most vanilla fries out there.  They're overpriced at concession stands at sporting events, served in high school cafeterias, or they're the shit fries from Ortega that you try to make in your oven.  These fries are like your 4th choice prom date that gave you a hand job at the end of the evening.  Not good, not great, gets the job done though.

9. Regular Restaurant Fries

These are the basic white girl of french fries.  Nothing remarkable about them, you can find them anywhere.  Good with ketchup.

8. In N' Out Fries

Some people seem to hate these with the burning fire of 1000 suns, but I actually like them.  They're thin, they're crisp, they're delicious!  They're not my favorite by any means, but I do enjoy them every chance I get on a trip out west.  Oh what's that?  In N' Out is coming to Colorado?  Fuck yes.

7. Steak Fries

These are the lazy, fat motherfucker of fries.  They don't taste all that different from say a crinkle cut or normal fry, but what boosts them to the 7 spot is the fact that you get more fry per bite.  And that my friends, is the steak fry difference which causes them to taste better.  Did I just blow your fucking mind?  You're welcome.

6. McDonald's

I fucking hate McDonald's but I give credit where credit is due.  That creepy ass clown and his fucked up purple friend Grimace sure do know how to make a tasty fry.  These were the most accessible as a kid since they showed up in Happy Meals.  Just a classic taste of what a french fry should be: salty as fuck and will eventually kill you.  The fact that McDonald's checks in at number six should just tell you how strong this list is.

5. Old Bay Fries

One of my friends introduced me to these at a bar in college and my life was never the same.  Before that Old Bay was just the annoying seasoning on crabs that you never seemed to eat, you just got it all over your hands from handling the crabs.  But man - Old Bay on fries?  Truly a match made in heaven.  Whoever said "I'm going to try putting Old Bay on fries and make it a thing," I owe you a debt that can never be repaid.

4. Parmesan Truffle Fries

Another amazing mad scientist creation gone right.  I don't know who thought to do this, but man, parmesan fries are what dreams are made of.  Best places to get them?  Lark Burger or Hop Doddy Burger bar.  If you don't live near one of these, go erotically asphyxiate yourself in the closet.  Your life isn't that good.

3. Waffle Fries

Studies have shown that configuring fries in the formation of a waffle makes them taste 47% better than singular fries.  Okay, that's not true, but a lot of you probably believed that.  What makes waffle fries so damn good?  I don't know, they just are.  Some of you might roll your eyes and say this is a Chick-Fil-A bias on my part, to which I retort, fuck you: waffle fries stand on their own and I will not put up with assholes that dare slander this culinary treat.

2. Curly Fries

Ah yes, spiced AND curly.  Curly fries are a motherfuckin' dual threat.  I was introduced to these at a young age thanks to Arby's, but any time I'm at a bar where curly fries are an option for a side I swing for the fences.  Perhaps the most amazing thing about curly fries is that they taste so much better when you order regular fries and somehow, a curly fry got in there.  This phenomenon is otherwise known as "The accidental curly fry."

1. Cajun Fries

Oh fuck yes.  Cajun fries are probably one of the most notable items on the Five Guys menu and they are spectacular.  Something about the way they're seasoned, the fact that they come in a cup that is overfilled so it spills into the brown greasy bag, you just can't quite pinpoint the source of their greatness.  Yes, after eating even a little order of Cajun fries I feel like lazy piece of shit that needs to not do anything for the rest of the day, but man, it's fucking worth it.

There you have it.  French Fry power rankings.  You're allowed to disagree, that's you're right.  It's also my right to not give a shit about how you would order them.  K, bye.