That's right. You've heard of my company called: Just the Tip. Now allow me to introduce Sweep the Leg Consulting, which....doesn't really do anything. Well, unless you count allowing me to get the Chase Ink Business Cash card (Just the Tip didn't do enough revenue to warrant a 2nd card):
No Annual fee, get $500 cash back after spending $3000 in the first 3 months. You can't fucking beat that. Plus, since I'm a total Chase points whore, it'll be actually 50,000 points, which can be redeemed for $750 worth of travel when I transfer these points over to my Chase Sapphire reserve card. For those who are too lazy to worry about credit card points, maybe my trip to Australia funded by points would sway you. Maybe not. Who gives a shit.
Anyway, to recap, here is how I amass chase points:
Chase Sapphire Reserve: 3X points on dining and travel. 1.5 point conversion redemption thru portal.
Annual fee: $450 - $300 travel credit = $150
Chase Freedom: 5X points on rotating categories such as gas, groceries, and whorehouses
Annual fee: $0
Chase Ink Cash: 5X points on cable, internet, phone, and Office supply stores, 2X points on gas
Annual fee: $0
I also have the Chase Ink Preferred, but I'll be cancelling that soon to avoid the annual fee of $95. It has the biggest signup bonus for Chase cards though, at 80K, so well worth it.
If I've convinced you to get one of these cards, please click on the hyperlinks above for my referral links. If you live in Denver, I'll buy you Chick-Fil-A for using my link. That's the Just the Tip/Sweep the Leg Consulting difference.
If there's no link, it's because the facsists at Chase have shut down that refer-a-friend program.
Serious question here: WHO DOES THIS??? What kind of fucking savage has taken to hacking into fast food apps? I've had my Uber account hacked, I've had my Netflix account hacked, I hope I never have my Brazzers account hacked.
I mean, imagine my incredulity of seeing this in my email:
I mean, I get it. Wendy's social media is savage:
I'm actually disappointed that this total rocket is no longer their spokesperson:
Anyway, to the MOTHERFUCKER who tried to hack my Wendy's account:
Dug this bad boy up out of a yearbook or old photo album, and I must say, I'm still very pleased with my 17-year-old self. Now, my high school only calculated GPA thru junior year, so there was no way I could fix my less-than-stellar 3.1868 (unweighted, NBD) GPA, but colleges still see your Fall grades when you apply, so I was still grinding. My motivation was maybe a Herculean effort could help get me into Vassar College where I could make the Division III volleyball team and major in....something.
***Spoiler Alert***: Vassar College is a well-regarded liberal arts college and my less than impressive transcript and shitty SAT II scores were not getting me in.
The funniest thing here is just how I stopped giving a shit in the 2nd semester (after I was told to fuck off by Vassar but accepted by two other schools). For example, let's look at my Calculus grades:
A-, A-, B, B. What's total horseshit here is how that somehow averaged out to a "B". Wondering what that number next to the grade is? Check it out:
As you can see, my B3 in the 4th quarter probably had something to do with my overall grade being a B. But you know what? I got a "4" on AB calc which was good enough to place out of Calc I at a State School, so whatever. I'm actually really disappointed in my four years of high school I never got an "8" for effort. That phone call would have been epic.
Also just want to take this moment to point out what a health and fitness stud I was:
Sup ladies?
What's the point of all of this? Maybe I'm shocked I've been able to live a decent life despite not being a straight A student. Sure, high school grades determine where you can go to college. Where you go to college plays a big part in determining what professional/grad school you get into or what your options are for your first job, but you know what else matters? Not being a total fucking tool to people.
Man - this blog took a weird twist at the end. I didn't see that coming.
Naw man. I ain't like Derek Rose above here. Some of you may recall that time I was basically dating a former Broncos cheerleader. Well, here's an update. After that blog, she liked a few more of my instagram posts (like I said, things are getting serious), so naturally the next step was to slide into her DMs:
All right people! Backstreet's back (all right)! Let's roll the tape!
What the fuck did I just watch? Good God, I don't think they can legally use the word "boys" in their band name anymore without some sort of disclaimer. Let's break down some then and now photos of the men who once made 14 year-old girls fantasize about marrying them (which is really gross and fucked up when you think about it).
NICK CARTER
Let's start with the pussy magnet of the group Nick Carter:
Lookin' good Nick! Too bad that was 1999. This is Nick now:
Dude is a 38-year-old with a wedding ring, a fuckin' faux-hawk, and a denim jacket. Pretty tough to sell yourself as a sex symbol to prepubescent teens when you're rocking that combo.
KEVIN RICHARDSON
Ah, K-Rich. The hottie with the dark features in the group. K-Rich 1999:
K-Rich 2018:
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Back in '99 maybe 2.8% of the female population wouldn't have sex with K-Rich. Now? Probably 2.8% of the female population would feel comfortable letting him into their house to clean the fucking toilets. Good God, man. You're 43. It's too early to have given up on life. The dirty ass goatee, long hair and that stupid fucking hat. That shirt? I think I saw it in the women's section of Goodwill a few years back.
BRIAN LITRELL
Next up is Brian, who also happens to be K-Rich's cousin:
Brian ordering a No.1 meal at McDonald's in 1999. Brian doing Backstreet Boy things in 2018:
You cannot tell me he doesn't look like a fucking serial killer.
Howie D.
Because he officially goes by "Howie D." I'm gonna assume that "D" is for "Dick-bag". Serious question: did any girls actually like Howie? He always struck me as the guy who benefited by hot by association, so when Nick and Kevin were done running trains on groupies, Howie would show up to scoop up the leftovers that Nick and Kevin didn't have the time/stamina to get to. Look at this guy, see what I mean?
Not great, right? Well here he is now:
Well, actually not too bad. Other than the fact he buttons hit top button like a psycho path, his face is just as punchable as it was in 1999.
Last but not least: AJ McLean
I always respected the fuck out of AJ trying to live up to that token bad boy that a boy band needs. Like how he refuses to wear fucking sleeves in a music video:
Apparently the dude is still allergic to sleeves:
What in the fuck, AJ? Are you even allowed within 500 feet of a middle school? Way to stay true to your shitty ass hat game and add some neck tattoos. The tinted glasses are NOT a nice touch. I'm sorry, this whole "bad boy" thing in the formula is bullshit. It's a fabricated persona. AJ does not drive a motorcycle without a helmet, he does not smoke cigarettes to look cool, and I'm 99% sure that he pulls out. Sorry ladies - this 40 year-old "bad boy" is in bed by 9PM. Nice fucking bandana BTW.
Well there you have it. Can't do a BSB blog without leaving you with the GOAT of boy band songs:
Before I go any further, this blog needs a soundtrack. Hit play below to enhance your experience while scrolling through the blog:
**NO MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS BECAUSE I'M NOT AN ASSHOLE**
First of all, yes this blog is going to be biased as shit because I would probably watch anything involving that bad ass Cobra Kai logo. This is my phone case:
Serious question though: how did a gem like this end up on YouTube Red? YouTube Red's value proposition is shit. It's $9.99 a month so you can watch videos on YouTube ad free and you get access to YouTube originals. Prior to Cobra Kai, I can't think of anything worth paying $9.99 a month to watch. Thanks to a 30-day free trial, I didn't have to pay anything to watch this either.
Anyway, I'm getting off topic. The premise of the Cobra Kai series is simple, it picks up 34 years after the 1984 All Valley Karate Championships where Daniel LaRusso hits Johnny Lawrence in the face with a crane kick for the win. The flashbacks to the movie that are weaved into the series are pure gold. Serious throwback stuff for us children of the 80's. But yeah, no fucking Hilary Swank trying to be the next Karate kid. No Jackie Chan and Will Smith's kid in that abortion of a re-boot (which I refused to watch on principle). There aren't even any callbacks or references to the Karate Kid 2 because that movie was a horseshit money grab in an attempt to make the Karate Kid a franchise.
What makes Cobra Kai so good is that not only does the rivalry of Johnny and Daniel in their 50's entertain us, but the next layer of character interaction is fantastic: There's Miguel who is Johnny's star pupil, who goes to the same high school as Samantha LaRusso (Daniel's daughter if the last name didn't give it away) and Johnny's estranged son Robby, who's also the same age as Miguel and Samantha. Watching the stories intertwine and unfold is what earns this a 100% on the tomato meter. Because if the internet agrees on something, it has to be true.
(side note: Samantha LaRusso is a total cutie. You might think I'm a pedophile for saying this, but I looked it up on Wikipedia and the actress that plays her is 22, so my thoughts while creepy, are at least not illegal. You be the judge:)
Perhaps the best part of all of this is that the series isn't so one-sided the way the original movie was with the 80's movie formula of the kid that gets bullied becoming the hero and the guy who bullied him was a complete asshole. No, there's two sides to this coin, neither guy is perfect, both are flawed, just a couple of guys trying to get through life in the valley.
This series also makes Barney Stinson's take on the Karate Kid more plausible:
But perhaps my favorite YouTube video about the Karate Kid which is sure to get more views now, is this:
TLDR - You need to watch this fucking show. If you don't like it, tough shit. Season 2 comes out in 2019 and I feel bad for you because you have nothing to look forward to. Oh what? GoT comes back in 2019? Big Fucking deal. I don't have a GoT phone case.
